Win the Game Without Losing Yourself

Think of a significant achievement from your past that brought you happiness. For example, it could be when you got your first phone/bike/laptop/car, or got your first salary, or got a big raise, or got into a relationship, etc. Let's call it 'X'.

No matter what your desire or goal was, inevitably you can relate with the following sequence of events:

1. Desiring: Due to some event in your life you decided to get 'X'. Whether the decision was made out of a need or a want; the pattern remains the same.
2. Pursuit: You get motivated. You start researching and working towards the goal - saving money, or visiting showrooms, or texting/meeting - whatever applies to your 'X'. You probably spent some time daydreaming and romanticizing scenarios around it too, which made the desire stronger. The reward is set, and it consumes your entire mental space. You watch videos about it, your social media feed starts turning pink with related content, music sounds better, and so on. You have a purpose in this moment.
3. The Big Win: You achieve what you desired. You feel ecstatic. You spend time and energy in and around 'X'. Your pleasure peaks here.
4. The settlement: Well, you may realise it, but sooner or later the high settles and you are back to the mundane.

The Game Wins the Player

In this game of rewards, which may have started out of necessity, you become immune to the pleasure from the rewards. The same thing no longer brings you happiness; instead, its absence begins to cause discomfort. For example, A new car, over time becomes a norm which no longer makes you happy, but it's absence can cause inconvenience now that you have adapted to it.

When the high settles, we adapt to the new object and the lifestyle. To seek happiness again, we chase bigger rewards - getting a better car, or a new house, or a new device, etc. The pursuit of next big possession becomes your purpose. What may have started out of necessity becomes a reward seeking pattern and keeps you running. This is also known as Hedonic Adaptation or Hedonic treadmill. This is similar to any substance addiction, where the act no longer brings pleasure, but its absence causes distress.

Reclaiming Control Over the Game 🎮

Success is realising you are above the game. You may still choose to play it, not because your happiness depends on it but because the rewards may still serve you. It's the ability to utilise the game without getting consumed. The realisation and the understanding of pattern would help you,

• Define sustainable and meaningful rewards, that prioritise peace over pleasure and needs over wants.
• Choose more meaningful desires that serve you better in the short, medium and long term.
• Help you take better financial decisions.

Stepping out is not about quitting your work. It's about,

• understanding patterns that keep you from living life to the fullest.
• taking control of your time, money and health.
• channeling your energy towards things that bring you peace.

The Question Only You Can Answer

While lifestyle adaptation is one thing that keeps us running, lack of purpose is another. The bigger question arises: What else would one do even if they were to step out? Even if you do not have a proper answer to this, it's worth working towards it rather than turning away. It's a question only you can answer for yourself. A borrowed answer might influence you, but it would not end well. Here are a few things that could be a good start towards finding the answer:

• Spend a few days, distraction free, in nature. Better if you could choose a place without a network.
• Explore hobbies that you like pursuing just for the sake of it. You may revisit an old one or find new.
• Develop awareness of your current course of life. Do not judge yourself while you are at it.
• Understand what keeps you running. Read, research, and develop systems to overcome.
• Develop a finer taste for the subtle pleasures of life. There is beauty in mundane, you just need time and the mindset to see it.
• Do not rush at it. It's your life and only you get to decide the pace.
• Once you start to gain some understanding of what you want from life, start working towards it.
• What you want from life might change from time to time. Be aware and embrace these changes.

My Wake-Up Call

I got some sense of this pattern when I bought my first car in October, 2020. Within days of having the car, I caught myself thinking about "What my next car would be?". The realisation was clear two months later when I got a new job. The new job met my financial expectations, was permanently remote, and promised growth and learning - everything I could have asked. I was content and looking forward to join. During my notice period with the previous employer, the realisation occurred to me during an evening walk - No matter what you desire, the high will settle, leaving you asking for more.

I wonder if this realisation would have been possible, if the events were separated by a duration longer than two months. Keep your eyes open. The Existence is not unkind towards you. Since then, my understanding of personal finance has evolved. I have started to look at money as a resource to help me own my time.

And you run, and you run
To catch up with the sun, but it's sinking
And racing around
To come up behind you again
The sun is the same in a relative way
But you're older
Shorter of breath
And one day closer to death